another moral hangover. fuck.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
