A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
