Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
