My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
