I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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