Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
