nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
