it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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