so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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