Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
