My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
