i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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