I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
