She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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