whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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