Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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