she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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