i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think your dad took our porno
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
