Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
