I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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