What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
