do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
