your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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