dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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