smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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