I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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