Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
