3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
