I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
