Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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