FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
