OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
