I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
