i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
