So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Girls should come with a carfax report
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
