we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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