i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
