if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
