Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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