Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
