you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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