my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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