i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I looked at my own cervix.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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