I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
