I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
