Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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