he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
