woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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