do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
