Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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