I love black thongs
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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