is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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