Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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