just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
