my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
of course. lets lasso hookers.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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