I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
