our cab driver is having phone sex.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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