even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
