She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
