Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
