I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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