i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
