I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
