it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
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In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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