If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
