I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Randomize
