by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize