dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
