I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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