No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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