That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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