Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
