Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
