remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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