new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Randomize
