Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
