When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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