he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
