I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
