Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
