Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
