Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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