Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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