yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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