Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
