I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
