Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
