We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
