So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
